The loyalty of convenience and commitment; which do you operate under?
The first kind of loyalty is the loyalty of convenience, I’m going to look around, sure, but probably won’t switch.
Switching is risky, it’s time-consuming. Switching means getting to know a new partner, learning their quirks, and peeves. Switching means I might lose what I know, which is ok, but I feel it could be better for what looks better, but after a few weeks, you could potentially find that it is not.
Then there’s the other kind of loyalty. The loyalty of commitment, “I’m not even looking.”
If you subscribe to commitment loyalty, you might say, “I’m the kind of person that sticks with people who stick with me.” This person doesn’t even want to know that there’s a better deal somewhere else, because, after all, he or she is in it for the long haul.
The problem with the loyalty of convenience is that the person is tempted to look and look some more, which prompts the partner to build barriers. Barriers decrease the satisfaction of the relationship. There is not a common term for this sort of feeling, but ‘stuck’ comes to mind for the person looking. If your partner feels that you think you are stuck, you have a problem and are likely the problem [may or may not be your fault, but you are the problem].
The beauty of loyalty of commitment is identity and satisfaction. This person isn’t looking and is committed to the relationship. You earn this loyalty, and you don’t engineer it by having children or buying love, or forcing it. This applies to platonic friendships as well.
You can only focus on creating one sort of loyalty at a time; true? What are your thoughts?
Words don’t matter without action.
Moreover, I’ve learned action doesn’t matter without words; not everyone notices what you’re doing or see your efforts as you see them. Market yourself and what you are doing for the relationship with your partner and friends. Communicate to ensure the perception matches the reality.
Focus on creating the loyalty of commitment, and I believe you will build meaningful long-term relationships